Why Trump Should Never Visit Brooklyn, Donald Trump, Brooklyn

Brooklyn goes hard and, in general, we didn’t go for Trump.

With about 80 percent of the votes going for his opponent, outside of a few outlier neighborhoods (we see you Midwood), it’s pretty much a given that Kings County is not about that Trump life. I’m not trying to tell the president what to do, and I understand he is from New York, but I don’t think he needs to visit Brooklyn.

Here’s nine reasons why 45 should not set foot in Bruknahm.

#9. Rocket Man

There’s no telling when “Rocket Man” might retaliate with a personal drone attack, don’t want it to be while Trump’s on Flatbush Avenue

#8. No B-Ball Skills

His wack paper-towel jump shot is more Knicks than Nets, which is saying something since both teams will be bad… but Brooklyn will have a better team.

#7. Danger To His Digits

His tiny, doughy hands might get mistaken for a Momofuko pastry and bitten by a gentrifier

#6. Traffic

 The borough doesn’t need the traffic jams! Not on the streets, bridges or parkways. And it definitely doesn’t need him on Nostrand Avenue

#5. Gang Problems

His red cap might inadvertently set off gang activity, and nobody needs that to happen!

#4. Danger From The Air

Peregrine Falcons may nest on his head, mistaking his orange hair as a “safe place” to raise kids.

#3. Rasta nah want Trump

Even if Trump decides he has a taste for some oxtail, peas and rice, ackee and salt fish, he should stay far away from the neighborhood of Flatbush. Not a good look.

#2.  Dreamers

He might get bum rushed by dreamers if he comes to Brooklyn, which is a sanctuary city. Trump don’t want none of that!

#1. His Russian plug doesn’t think it’s a good idea

Lots of Russians in Brooklyn, and Trump might bring too much attention by visiting the borough. The block (senate investigation) is hot enough as it is!


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Richards Burroughs

It's variations on my name, but it's the same human. I'm Richard Chandler Burroughs, novelist (A Rendezvous With Destiny) and blogger (Uncontrollable Urges). Richard Burroughs as a marketing strategist,...

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