Dear Miss Dinna -
I am a 28-year-old woman. I have always been into porn and watch it regularly and have always found myself to have a high sex drive. In the last year, I started to post pictures and videos of myself on a site (never showing my face) and have really enjoyed it. I like receiving the messages and the whole experience really turns me on.
About a month ago, I started dating this guy that I really like. It's getting pretty serious and I am wondering if I should tell him what I have done. To be honest, since getting more serious with him, I've stopped posting on the site. It's not a must for me and I haven't really recently felt the urge to do it... But I feel like it is part of who I am and I should maybe share it with him. What do you think?
Signed,
Love the Porn Love the Man
Dear Love the Porn Love the Man —
Since this relationship is pretty new, I don't think you have to make this decision any time soon. You might need a bit more time to get to know each other and observe a stronger foundation that comes with that time.
However, something that does stand out for me in your letter is " .I haven't really recently felt the urge to do it .but I feel like it is part of who I am .." What this leads me to believe is that, although recently you haven't felt the urge, the urge might, and mostly likely will, return .and that is because it is part of who you are.
You may not have the urge at this time because your relationship is new. But as time progresses, and the relationship becomes less all encompassing, you probably will begin to want to dabble in porn again, and maybe even share the experience with your partner.
What's important is that as the two of you get to know each other, that you feel comfortable to share all aspects of yourself, all your needs and desires, and to feel embraced as a whole person. Most likely, as time passes, you will get a sense organically if your partner is into porn himself, and if it is something that you can share with each other.
Most likely, as well, if your partner is not into porn and has strong judgments against it, and because it is "part of you are", the relationship will not fulfill you, you will not feel accepted, you will feel judged and forced to not honor all parts of yourself, and ultimately it will end.
But let's say you find that he does share your interest in porn and things are progressing well in that, and other, aspects. Then at that time, you can delve deeper, asking him his opinion on individuals and couples who post amateur porn on sites.
If it feels safe, this is then the time you can share your experience and maybe even introduce the idea of the two of you posting and watching porn together. This could be an exciting progression of your relationship, bonding and building on a common interest that can add even more spice into your lives together.
So the long and short — not now, but maybe in about 3 months ..crossing my fingers that things are progressing well and upwards!
Best of Luck,
Miss Dinna
Ask Miss Dinna a question — any question— regarding relationships, sex and sexuality by emailing her at: dinna1974@gmail.com, Subject: "Ask Miss Dinna." She may answer your question personally or in a future column (your name will be kept anonymous).
