Has anyone notice the immense amount of pressure it is to be a “good” mom?
Please note that I use this word in quotes due to its over used, loaded and quite relative meanings. I feel like there is literally an expectation for me to wake up and be Mother Teresa, Mary Poppins and Beyonce (among other things) everyday!
Not that there is an official manual on the subject, but I thought the weight of being a “good” mother was spread over 21 years depending on your ability to raise a healthy, self-sufficient and employed human being.
Now I feel like it means being effortlessly fashionable while breastfeeding your baby and making her organic baby food. Then posting the proof of good mother deeds on all the social media outlets. I’m not criticizing those who can pull any of the above off, I’ve even tried them myself (just check my Instagram page if you don’t believe me).
I don’t know if I am going through a mom-life crisis, but the veil of motherhood is beginning to weigh on me and it spins me almost out of control when some random person who doesn’t know me from a hole in a wall tells me I am a “good” mother.
It is a beautiful compliment, but please don’t put that kind of pressure on me. I haven’t made a mogul out of my nine-month-old just yet… back off jack!
I am ready to clear the smoke on these illusions of motherhood. Your experience as a mom is not dependent on the next mom’s experience. It is great to share with your fellow mom, but this is not a competition. Some moms are able to capture an essence of their experience as a mommy and share it with the world. But you have no idea how she really is managing.
Some times that’s all one can do is manage. Now whenever anyone asks me (and its usually the first question), how is it going being a ‘new mom’, I tell them just the way it is: “I’m managing!”
I’m usually trying to be as vague as possible, but when I say that, I literally mean that I manage to wake up at every squeak my daughter makes in the middle of the night; I manage to read that ‘I’m pooping’ face and change her diapers before she gets a diaper rash (because to me that would mean I am failing at being a good mom). Yet I haven’t quite mastered being able to comb my hair everyday, or shop for anything other than necessary baby stuff.
But I wouldn’t trade my experience in for the next mom’s in a million years. My daughter is happy, healthy, and as a premature baby, has surpassed milestones set for her.
No one can dictate what kind of mom you are. We are all Mom enough!
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