Not-So-Fresh to Impress by Dinna Alexanyan, MFT

Dear Miss Dinna –

I have a serious problem and I have no idea how to deal with it.

My girl-friend really smells down there, like really really bad, like hot garbage, and I don’t know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. It hasn’t always been like this – just about the last month – but it’s so bad and I think she’s noticing it also. But she doesn’t seem to be open to bringing it up. Help!!!! How do I solve this problem?

Signed,

Funktified

Dear Funktified –

This is a sensitive subject and I can imagine how difficult it must be for you to address with her – but you’re right – it does need to be addressed.

The trick is to approach this subject with as little focus on the problem (meaning quickly mention the problem) and a much bigger focus on the solution. Done in a very specific, factual kind of way, it will take away any type of personal zing.

Your goal is to not make her feel ashamed, rejected, disgusting, and ultimately unlovable.

The good news is that there is a cure! It sounds to me like she has Bacterial Vaginosis – a common bacterial infection that can occur for women. There is treatment (google it), but it’s important to note that both of you need to be treated, especially if you are not using protection and are ejaculating inside of her.

So – you would say something like this “Hey, I’m concerned about your health and our health. I think you might have a bacterial infection – which is not uncommon for women – and I think you should see your gynecologist and get it checked out.

What do you think? I’m thinking it might be BV which is easily curable… there are even over the counter medications I’ve seen at Walgreens. What do you think?”

See what you’ve done there? You’ve mentioned the problem and followed it up quickly with a solution….versus….just mentioning the problem and then pausing to let all the possible shame settle into her while you look at her scrunching your nose.

The less weight you put towards the problem and more towards the factual solution, the better. A few days later, you’ll be back in the saddle with your nasal passages in the clear!

Good luck!

Miss Dinna

Ask Miss Dinna a question — any question– regarding relationships, sex and sexuality by emailing her at: dinna1974@gmail.com, Subject: “Ask Miss Dinna.” She may answer your question personally or in a future column (your name will be kept anonymous).